a confession.

sometimes i am perfectly fine with my body, but most of the time im not. i mean i know im not fat... but im not skinny. sometimes i think i look realllly good. but mostly just because my face. i think i have a really pretty face. okay lets go back a few years...

coming into wilson, 7th grade, not much boys liked me. i had a total of one real boyfriend previous to that. boys didnt say i was pretty or hot or anything. i know of 2 boys that liked me while i was in the 7th grade. then 8th grade. not much of an improvement. again with the whole like 2 guys liking me thing. that was the end of that.

9th grade. high school (even though technically i was still in the middle school). im not sure if i changed or if guys changed but a lot more guys liked me. i had at least 3 boyfriends and i was called cute a lot. then 10th grade, this past year, same thing. i had at least 3 boyfriends. i got called cute, pretty, hot, sexy. this never really happened to me before this year. it made me feel really good and hearing this stuff boosts my confidence a lot.

i was talking to jess one time and she said that she gets jealous sometimes because people tell me im pretty a lot and even though she knows shes pretty people just dont tell her like they tell me. this got me thinking. when people tell me im pretty, i enjoy it, a lot. but i dont show it and brag about it. because i realize that it could hurt other peoples feelings. it might make them not feel good about themselves.

example: the other day me and caty went to javas and met up with 3 of her friends. i did think a couple of them were cute but i wasnt gonna say anything to caty cuz i didnt wanna seem like a creeper or anything. after i left caty told me that 2 of them said i was hot and wanted to add me on facebook. it made me feel really good about myself to know that 2 really cute guys think im hot. but i didnt want to keep talking to caty about it just in case it made her feel bad or anything.

so the confession i was originally trying to say is that hearing nice things from guys makes me feel really good about myself, but i hold it in to make sure i dont make others feel less good.