uhh...

obviously a lot has happened since february... but im not here to share all that. im here to vent. for myself. aaron and i were going so well. where did we go wrong? him talking about me? me cheating? me not letting him give me another chance? i was a mess the first couple days i found out he had a new girlfriend. the thought of him with someone else kills me. but then i came to the conclusion that im not the bad guy. i didnt ruin the relationship. it ruined itself. we both contributed negative things. after that i stopped crying. i didnt cry for two whole days. i kept telling myself everything was okay and that i was moving on. i was keeping an optimistic mind for myself. to help myself. but in reality i am nowhere close to moving on. i miss him now more than ever before. and i cant even talk to him. i was trying so hard to hold back the tears but theres no point. theyre streaming down my face at this very moment. i dont care what anyone thinks of me for the things i did. nobody knows the whole story. i just wish i had him back. at this moment i would do anything he wanted for him to be mine again. but i know thats not going to happen. and i dont hate him or his new girlfriend. im not bitter. just sad. its just so hard being with one person for two years and now not having that person. and now being alone. i have my friends and theyre being great but theyre just a distraction. whenever i get a moment to myself im thinking about him. the past two nights ive had dreams about him. ive never had to deal with something like this before. but i know ill be okay. eventually.