its so hard. i want so badly to talk to someone. but the only person i want to talk to is aaron. and he is the last person i can talk to. i wish i had a job to keep me occupied. not dunkin donuts though. that wouldnt make anything better. i need to be around people that dont know the story. im trying to stay strong. im putting on this fake smile for the whole world so everyone thinks im happy and good. im trying to convince myself that everything is okay. that i can move on. but its so hard. its not working. theres no way i can move now. i dont like feeling like this. feeling hopeless. theres nothing i can do to make this pain go away. to make myself feel better. its here to stay. and he doesnt even care. i bet hes happy. i bet he doesnt even think of me anymore. hes got his friends, his girl, everything. i was talking to chandler the other day and i said "i wish i could go back and just change everything" and he said "yeah but youve said that before and you did it again" but it wasnt completely real to me until now. me and aaron were still with each other all the time. everything was still okay. but not anymore.
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i love reading everything you have to say (: