Disneyfication

i said i was done with this blog but i lied. idk how often im going to post but right now i need to because i just have so much inside of me and nobody to talk to about it.
the main thing right now thats bugging me is that my brother and a few of his friends are being obnoxious and annoying as hell! also mel is here and shes not helping either. we were downstairs and they start talking about something i did about last year. its embarrassing and they were making fun of me and all this shit. i was trying so hard to ignore it and not let them know how badly it was bothering me. youd think since mel is my friend too shed tell them to shut up but no she went along laughing too.
second im not sure who my friends are right now. me and caty got into a fight and it ended in us discussing if we should be friends or not. we did this by letters in another blog. i wrote her a letter and she never responded. so im guessing we're not friends. jessica... i had a conversation with. i wasnt sure if we were friends still though. but she seems fine with me so im thinking we're cool. sophie is another person who im not sure about right now. im just confused as to whether she wants to be friends still.
chandler, big thing in my life obviously as you can see from the majority of my posts, is not talking to me. i think he wants me out of his life. why do i think this? because he deleted me from facebook and hasnt talked to me in forever. why does he hate me so much? because im a horrible person as i was told by numerous people. i was dating devin first of all, and me and chandler were talking about going back out again and stuff. i really thought he could be the one because i love him and i liked what we had when we dated for the first few months. but after we broke up it just like ruined everything. and i could see myself with him but every time i think of kissing him i think about him and caty making out. and i cant kiss him knowing he did that. so i decided we would never get back together and i told him not to listen to me if i ever said that again because i would end up hurting him and i dont want to do that. too late, it did hurt him. and a lot from what ive heard. so im granting his wishes and not talking to him. i know i only hurt him. to make myself less tempted, i deleted his number from my phone. im trying to not talk to him, but its so hard!
its really weird the past 2 nights ive had dreams. the first one was with caty. we werent friends but i was at her house and we got along fine but we werent like... friends. the second one had chandler. it was awkward. we were in band. we were with more then just us but we were just ignoring eachother. then the people who were with us left and we were just sitting there across from eachother. trying to ignore eachother. idk what these dreams are trying to tell me but its sure not helping get them out of my head. it just makes it harder for me not to talk to them.
zoe is my best friend. i know this for a fact. she is my only best friend. im a little confused about mel. she is my friend. but i absolutely HATE when my friends are friends with my brother. i mean take brittany ochterbeck for example. we were really good friends in the 7th grade. then she became friends with eric and completely ignored me. that turned out greatt!((sarcasm)) so im not sure where mel stands right now.
also i kinda have a thing with catys brother. things are a little complicated with him though. him being 18 and all. its just different. i dont even know.
and then theres my step dad. hes a douche. hell yell at me if i do something but wont say anything to his daughter if she does the same thing! and he gets into fights with eric all the time. and he always thinks he right when most of the time hes wrong! hes so annoying.
i guess thats all. for now at least.
i wanna thank zoe and scott and zak and lauren for cheering me up the past few days.
i feel a bit better not having all this inside me now. although it would be great to actually tell someone about it. anyone who actually took the time to read this thanks i guess. i guess that means you care about whats going on in my life. or that you're just nosy. i doubt anyone would read it though. especially since its so long.
ohh summer schools almost over! still dont have anyyy friends there at all. that blows. and it will end and ill have like 2 weeks till regular school starts >.<
alrightyy byeee <3